Tell Us Your Good Idea - Part III

I-LIKE-SMOKE

Hello teelee, I have been told my many people that I have a drug problem and it really upsets me. I live my life the way I choose and I don’t consider my use of smoking a little to be a problem. I get very offended when people tell me I smoke too much and how much it bothers them. I don’t care how much it bothers other people as long as I am happy. I pay my own bills and all my friends smoke just like me so we are just fine. People on my job tell me they don’t like the smell of smoke on me and I can see them gagging in the elevator and waving invisible fumes out of the way when I walk by. It seems to be some type of running joke that the smell of smoke is just too much to bare with people I work with and people at my apartment complex where I live act so stupid when I come outside smoking. I hate the reaction people give me and I am to the point where I want to start ripping people’s heads off and telling them to kiss my #**& How do I tell my family, people at work, other annoying friends, and other associates to back off without starting a fight and causing more drama? I-LIKE-SMOKE

Well, I-LIKE-SMOKE, first let’s take a more organized approach.

What are you smoking?

Do you smoke before, at, or after work?

How much are you smoking?

Do you clean yourself up after smoking (Shower, shampoo, brush teeth, fresh clothes)?

Are neighbors, coworkers, love interest, friend, or family starting to complain about the habit repeatedly?

How do you feel after you smoke?

Is it a habit you wish to kick one day or are you in it for the long haul?

Are you aware of the potential risk of smoking (Physical, mental, emotional)?

Let’s take a look at these questions first and then we can move forward.

 

What are you smoking?  Cigarettes, cigars, medicinal stuff-legal

Do you smoke before, at, or after work? Yes all 3

How much are you smoking? 2 before work, 3 at work, a few at home, and 1 before bed

Do you clean yourself up after smoking (Shower, shampoo, brush teeth, fresh clothes)? Sometimes

Are neighbors, coworkers, love interest, friend, or family starting to complain about the habit

repeatedly? Yes but I think it is overkill and they are trying to make an example out of me

How do you feel after you smoke? Relaxed and less anxious

Is it a habit you wish to kick one day or are you in it for the long haul? Not quitting unless forced to

Are you aware of the potential risk of smoking (Physical, mental, emotional)? Sure am

Let’s take a look at these questions first and then we can move forward.

 

Baby-b4college

Hello teelee, I got pregnant last week and I am *%# years old. I am not sure if I should like tell my dad or not because I know he will act all grossed out at me and treat me like a loser and stuff. I don’t’ want to hear him going off at me because it gets on my nerves saying like wtf. I don’t bother with even try telling my mom anything because she lives out of state with her new boyfriend and acts like she has a new life. I want to finish school and go on to college but I am not sure if I can do this with a baby. My boyfriend loves me and says we can get married later and he will get a good job and take care of us. I am not sure if I want to tell my dad or not because he just does not understand I don’t want to hear about my future being ruined and stuff cuz I no I will be okay. I can still go to college but I no it will be hard. Shoud I tell my dad?

Baby-b4college

Well okay Baby-b4college, this is nothing to play with. First of all, just by your non-verbal vernacular I can tell you are a texting young lady, a result of our current times. On a more serious note, a parent or guardian should immediately be aware of your circumstances if you are underage and even if you are of age you still want the help and support of the family that cares for you. There is no greater fear in the world than having your child get into trouble and they say nothing to the parent that cares for them. Give your dad a chance rather than pre-judge what you think his response is going to be. As far as the boyfriend, you will soon realize that marriage at a very young age can be a disturbing and rather shocking event to someone in your shoes.

If dad is the one taking care of every aspect of your needs than you absolutely owe him the right to vent how he feels about your situation. Don’t expect for him to receive the news with a wink and a smile when he is looking at possibly supporting a new grandchild as well as you possibly for a very long time. You are not in a position to make any demands and finishing school will definitely be a challenge with a new child and possibly a dramatic young marriage. Statistically speaking, most underage marriages do not work out because of the extremely high emotions of young relationships and the under educated and inexperienced nature of the young people involved. But with perseverance and super focused dedication you can have control over finishing school. Yes, tell dad. Good luck and please take care.

 

I love him but can't tell him

TeeLee, there is this guy who I think is perfect for me. He is so cute and funny and we share so much in common. He is just so cute and he makes me laugh so hard. The only obstacle is that he has a girlfriend that no one can stand. I have known him forever and I daydream about being with him all the time. I know he hates his girlfriend so much and they are just going through the motions in their relationship. How do I get him to break up with her and I do I tell him I love him?

In love in Mississippi

My dear In love in Mississippi, there are yet again, as TeeLee always says, red flags all over the place.

Cute and funny = does not mean compatible

He has a girlfriend = he has to break up with her on his own you cannot make him

Daydreaming about him = means you may not have a life of your own to keep you busy or you are just infatuated with him

No can stand his girlfriend=yet he spends his valuable time loving her, when a man wants out, believe me, a man gets out so somehow is able to stand her just fine

How do you tell him you love him? = there is no safe way, when you feel something for someone you have to take the risk and tell them and they will tell you how they feel. Make sure your heart is ready for any rejection that may occur

Good luck Mississippi!

TeeLee

New York nothin’

New York nothin’

TeeLee, me and my family have a chance to live in sunny Florida because of a job I want to take. I have been married for 17 years and our kids are ages 4, 10, 11, 14, and 16. The job market in Binghamton is drying up and there seems to be nothin' left but garbage. The job in Florida is offering an awesome position working in a nursing home, career advancement, and great pay. I hate to uproot my family after 25 years, but we have to do something to get out of the rut we are in. my husband works but it is just not enough to keep us afloat. He does carpentry work and in the winter time it gets bad. My work is health care but I only make a few dollars above minimum wage and Florida has so many seniors that health care is booming down there. My kids don’t want to move, my husband doesn’t either but we are facing losing everything if we don’t. Please what do I do?

Well New York nothin’, first, take inventory of all of your options in your home state before you trek elsewhere. Meet your family half way by not looking for work so far away from home. New York is much bigger than your town my dear so before you trek all the way down to Florida, consider going a town over and keeping the good vibe your family has still connected in New York. Have you considered the big health care dogs such as Syracuse, Yonkers, Rochester, or even New York City?  Why go all the way down south and risk such a large move if it may not be necessary? There is a ton of help needed in your neck of the woods so please consider this before making such a dramatic move with a big family.

TeeLee

Wanna be free in Wisconsin

Teelee, I am in a huge dilemma. I got married to a woman years ago because she was pregnant I wanted my child to have a proper family. I also did not want my parents to be ashamed of me having children out of wedlock. Over the years I have had good life with my wife and child, but I feel a super strong pull to go back to the Navy and travel like I did years ago. I don’t really want out of this relationship, but I don’t feel special here and I felt so happy and special when I was in the Navy. I wake up desperately wanting to go pursue my dream of traveling again before I get to old to go. I know it sounds selfish because I have a great job, marriage, kids, and I still feel somewhat trapped. I don’t want to hurt my family but I really want to get out of here and go back to the Navy. What can I do? Wanna be free in Wisconsin.

Well Wanna be free, if you are unhappy, I promise you that everyone around you can feel it to. No matter how much money you make, no matter who you are with, no matter where you are, if you don’t feel happy and special in your life you will make everyone else totally miserable around you. If you daydream about the old days, lose concentration at work, are disconnected at home, and are feeling a super desperate feeling, than you are suffering from withdrawal of your old life. You have to decide if you are going to be practical or happy. I know it sounds abrupt, but remember, when something makes you feel happy and special you have to grab at it because life won’t give you too many chances to be truly happy.  Many men serve in the war and still keep their families so it is possible, but it is a huge adjustment to a woman who has never had a military spouse before.

Something is driving the overwhelming need to leave home, meaning something at home is not fulfilling your needs enough to stop the past from seeping in. Speak to your wife about your goals, wishes, and needs and see if she is willing to accept having a Navy husband. If not, then you have an extremely difficult choice to make. Leave and be happy again or stay and pursue counseling and support with your spouse and family so you can feel whole and happy at home.

TeeLee

 

 

  

Hot for her in Georgia

Hello Teelee, my question is about a relationship I am in with a girl that I love so much. She is gorgeous and makes me crazy inside. The only thing is she is married and never seems to want to put a move on the divorce. I don’t want to hassle her about it because she I don’t want her to feel like I am hounding about it and risk ending the relationship. I get chills when I look at her because she is so hot and I want to her to be my girlfriend if not more. I want her to get the divorce so we can move on but she hates going into it. She says she has done all she can do and is waiting for her husband to finalize some things. I think her husband is abusing her and I want to help her so bad. I want her to live with me but she says it is not a good idea right now but we can look forward to it later because she needs the health and financial benefits from her husband. When I am able to provide for her I want her to come with me. Should I push or just be patient so I don’t scare her off?  Hot for her in Georgia.

Well Hot for her in Georgia, Oh my goodness where do I begin: RED FLAGS ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!!!!! RED ALERT*** LEVEL 4 BAD RED FLAG ALERT****

1.       She is married, lives with hubby, and stays for financial and benefits purposes?

2.       Dragging out a divorce.

3.       Does not want to talk about the divorce or discuss its progression.

4.       You keep mentioning she is hot.

5.       You never once mentioned compatibility, education, future outlook, potential,   temperament, family/kids, or LOVE…

6.      You also never mentioned if she cared about you at all.

7.       You think she is being abused by her husband.

My friend, you are totally wasting your time because of a girl you find “hot”. -Case closed-.

There is NO relationship between you and her, you are simply a quick outlet for attention she enjoys getting, but you are not, I repeat, not relationship potential for her and neither is she for you at all.

If you think she is being abused, she has a million resources she can contact to get her help in the appropriate fashion. You are not Rambo and you cannot save her.

In order to be in a relationship with someone that person better think you are the greatest thing on earth! This girl does not even know you exist outside of her own needs... sorry....

Men like you have little to no home training and are not used to seeing really attractive women. You are naïve, gullible, and at risk of getting crushed when she is done with you.

Sorry, but this is bad news all the way around… move on and find a lady who wants to be with you and is FREE of relationship hassles. You deserve so much better.

Good luck!

TeeLee

Girlfriend still talks to her ex-boyfriend

Tee Lee, my girlfriend says she still talks to her ex-boyfriend but they are just friends. Sometimes I get a bad vibe that something is going on and the feeling just won't go away. I checked her cell phone the other day and the guy was telling her he could not wait to see her again. I was pissed the *^%%^* off!! I ask my girlfriend why they are having such conversations and she says they are just friends. I told her I don't want her talking to the guy anymore and if I am working and paying the bills to take care of us and our kids than she better stop talking to this guy or I will drop her and take my kids with me.

What should I do? Pissed off in Texas.

Well Pissed off in Texas, first let me say that threats never do work in any relationship neither do heated ultimatums. Your best bet is to ask her if she is truly happy in the relationship and is there something she feels the relationship is lacking in terms of closeness with you. Try not to add anything into the equation such as: I work and pay the bills, I will take the kids and leave, or you better stop talking to the guy; these are dangerous statements that you will be forced to either enforce regrettably or wish you never spewed out in anger. Checking her phone is a sign of insecurity and also shows you don't trust her. If you are having feelings of distrust with her you have to visit this with her immediately and let her know you care about her and want the relationship to work, but if you don't get honest and direct answers than you may be considering ending the relationship. But, never strong arm your partner because it shows you use leverage in the wrong way.

Thanks, TeeLee!!!

The end of an era and beginning of a column

Well I am now completing my master's degree and boy was it one long ride. It cost me friendships, some health, some sanity, and of course a half baked relationship attempt. What is a girl to do?? I am happy at the future outlook, but sad at the loss suffered along the way. Some people say get over it and move on, but those people of course have not lost anything close to what I have lost and been able to move on. I now move to the beat of my own drum and ready to get moving in the right direction.

 

Part of my future entails being in the community and of course running a column that speaks to the needs of people who are stuck in the daily crap of life. I will be posting the questions sent to me as well as the answers so everyone can gain a different perspective on how they wish to proceed in their own life.

 

Well let's get going people! The first question was:

TeeLee, how can I tell if this guy really likes me? He is so wishy washy. One minute he is calling me sexy and telling me he loves me and the next minute he talks to me like I am one of his home boys, cutting me short in conversations, not acknowledging me in public, and talking to me like I am one of his home boys. What can I do? Confused in Indiana.

Well Confused in Indiana, when a man likes/loves you he will drop hints that won't be confusing. He will ask you out, contact you and want to hear about "you". If he contacts you and only talks about himself with no interest in you than you are nothing more than a sounding board and a release of tension for him. What are you getting out of talking to him? The relaxation should be a mutual feeling. If he calls you sexy and tells you he loves you and the next day acts like you are his cool-J-buddy, then you have a flake on your hands who does not know what he wants. The next time you speak with him, limit the amount of time he gets and move on to a man who is actually desiring you without the games. You can also ask your friend if he is just to shy to tell you he cares and see what his response is. Most men will respond to you if the door is opened the right way.