Is he wasting your time?

Well hello everyone. I was recently ask a question by someone about wasting time in relationships. Two young ladies were both dating men who seem to be dragging their feet and wasting their time. They had a series of questions about what should they do about men in their lives.

The same question was posed to me by a man who was newly married and having problems with his ex-wife.

Question: 

TeeLee how can tell if my guy friend is wasting my time in our relationship? We both seem to want the same thing and we are so compatible. I feel like he is dragging his feet and just using me until something younger and better comes along. When I try to talk about the future he actually says things like "oh well I hope it works out for you". I really like him but we both are getting older and I am tired of waiting for him to see how wonderful I am and love me back. He seems to keep dating all these loser women who just end up wasting his time and making him look like a fool. Why are men like this? 

Answer:

First of all, you identified him as your guy "friend". When you start talking about the future and what you want for yourself and the guy you like congratulates your plans and does not say "we", it means he sees himself moving on totally without you. You are a friend and that is all. Most men don't waste a moment when they want a woman! If he feels he can find someone better than you, it will become blatantly obvious because he will talk to you about women he is dating, and put full effort into finding new women. He will not make romantic plans with you ever and you will continue to be a broken heart waiting in the wind. Also, have you told him how you feel? It sounds like he thinks you are a "friend" and is not aware of your love for him. If you like a male friend you owe it to him to open your mouth and SAY SO! If you don't than how is he supposed to know how you feel? Tell him how you feel, but be ready for the rejection if it comes as well. If you can no longer be friends with him because you have fallen in love, then it may time to end the friendship and stop wasting your own time.

Question:

Teelee my daughters mother is making my life miserable. I moved to California and am newly married. My daughters mother constantly attacks my new wife by trying to pick fights with her over small things that should not seem to matter but they do. i am tired of my daughters mother trying to make my life hell by asking for money over and over again when she already gets child support. she does not spend the child uspport money onour dauther anyway. i no for a fact that she shops and partys all the time with the child support and my daughter does not see a dime of it. i have a new baby on the way and cannot afford to pay my ex all this child support when she is shopping and partying all day.  i am thinking about taking custody of my dauther so i dont have to deal with my ex at all. I feel like dealing with my ex is a total waste of time.

Answer:

Well I did not see a question in there, but I will try to comment anyway. Ex relationships are some of the most difficult relationships to work on. When people break up, get divorced, they hardly see the side of the ex because they are so busy defending themselves. In your situation, I would caution against making statements about child support because unless you have proof the funds are beings mishandles by your ex, you can set yourself up for headache later on. Also, if you cannot afford your current child support payments set by your local jurisdiction, you may want to be very careful stating that when you are making new babies with the new wife; it can give your ex ammunition that you are taking care of your new family and  not wanting to care for your existing obligation. Check with you local area law to see what your rights are in this area to see if your payments can be reduced. If your ex is wanting to argue over everything and not give you a break, it may be time for a mediator to step. Lastly, if you are seeking custody, consider the financial cost of pursuing such extreme actions. Seek mediation if you would like to resolve some issues before the issues become large costly ones. If the child is not at risk of being abused, be careful seeking full custody just because you don't like her mother, you may be causing more harm than good. Seek the help of professionals before making such harsh decisions.

Question:

Hello Miss Teelee! Okay so i am dating a man but i feel like he could be wasting my time. we meet at the bar and sometimes he ignore me and sometimes he don't. When we are along i get his attention but when we are at the bar he seems to run with his friends and other bar flys. i don't know why i love him but i do. he says he is gong to call and then he doesn't sometimes. i think he only calls me when he is bored or when the girl he really wants turns him down. i am sick of him using me but every time he calls me i go running. i decided to ignore him this time and not let him play with my hear anymore. i dont know what to do. he has been married twice and has kids already but i only have one kid and never married. i really want to get married and have a family i love of my own. he says he loves me and always want to be with me but then sometimes i text him and answer me with one word text and i dont hear nothing until days later. it makes me mad and we fight over misunderstanding. it seems he gets away with murder and can do what he want. help what do i do? Teelee i hate to ask your personal business but have u been in this situation before and what u do about it? 

Answer: 

From what you are saying,you meet this man at bars, you feel is wasting your time, he sends one word text, has been married twice (YIKES!), and seems to enjoy the company of barflys. Well lets take a moment to let you think about why on earth you are being bothered with such a disconnected person? Do you feel you are not worthy of a man who really cares about you? Any man who spends time in bars and ignores in your presence is clearly sending you a message that he is a selfish individual who will never give you what you are seeking. Boy oh boy are you wasting time on this one. LOVE? There is no love here, you are his busy action and nothing more. ***** Yes mam been in this situation before and every woman on earth is going through what you are going through right now!! I get this question from women so much that it is impossible to answer every single person. Sometimes honey men contact you because they are just bored and want to feel busy, NOT because they care for you. Many men just want an ego boost and when they get it, you are left to gather your crumbled feelings. There is hope, the second you feel a guy doing this to you put a stop to it right away. A guy who has been married twice, frequents bars, and has a lot children already is not looking for a good woman, he looking for fast ego boost. Don't waste anymore of your time. Do not take his calls anymore, change the bar you go to, get some new friends or hobbies, and for pete sake consider dating someone who is interested in spending time with YOU, not a used up bar flopper.