I had to ask myself why I am so worried about this one person all the time, when the person I am so busy worrying about does not give one crap about me at all. Kind of a harsh revelation, but all true. I say this because I have given the most undivided, direct, and complete support to this person when they were going through hell in their life while they talked to me like I was trash repeatedly for years. It was brought to my attention that the person I let run over me for years was getting everything he needed from me and I was being bulldozed and made a fool out of constantly.
Okay to be more specific, The friend used to be able to speak to me any time of day or night freely when all of a sudden it started to be as restrictive as night time or after hours. I thought this was really weird for a while, but learned to let it go because it just did not seem that important. One day I learned to stop letting this person bully me around and talking down to me and stand up for myself and he did not like that at all! I did not hear from him for months. When I finally did hear from him, it was to tell me that he had someone living in his home and he was in love. I was so happy for him! Then something hit me that no one falls in love in a few months, least of all this guy who was an extremely complex individual with many unresolved issues.So either he has been lying to me for almost a year OR MORE or he is not sure of what he is doing which is why he was selective about it.
My protective instinct kicked into overdrive and I started asking inquiring questions such as who, what, when, why, and how. Well when I did that it really upset him and he began to get angry and start to bully me again yelling at me to stop in an angry tone, BUT for the first time ever, I was not afraid of him being mad at me. Normally when he is angry with me I get so super quiet, shut down emotionally, or just let him run over me until he is done and he hangs up in my face after he is empty like I am expendable. NOT THIS TIME-
As a matter of fact, I could care less about him being mad at me. Why you ask? Well, I will tell you why. When he was going through the worst time of his life, I was right there holding his hand getting my ass kicked by him day in and day out, morning, noon, and night when ever he felt like it I was right there and never turned my back on him no matter what. I refused to abandon him regardless of how he spoke to me, if he put me down, let me know I was not good enough sometimes, and that I was only there for him to relieve himself and stepped right over me like I did not exist when he was done with his rant or at least that is how it seemed. I spent countless nights in pain watching him suffer and be abused by his ex-girlfriend/sons mother who enjoyed brutalizing him and tortured him for sport; I never left his side and supported him the entire time without question.
The last argument I had with him was so mentally and physically intense to me that I did not speak for almost a week afterwards. I am not good at voice confrontation so it shuts me down and I have to go silent for a long time to recover.
Do I regret helping him and being there for him and then being discarded, NO, I don't. WELL, what you have to connect to is that many years ago, I was in a horrible spot in my life, depressed, scared, and isolated in a dangerous way. This same person came along and supported me, took care of me, and stayed with me until he felt I was better. His watchful eye and exuberant attitude was exactly what I needed at that time to recover from my sad life. He only left after I was in a relationship where he knew I would be cared for by his best friend. Even when he left me he still would write and his presence never left my life as every single person in my life knows who he is even though he has never met them and most likely never will. No less than 10 people ask about him in my life every month NO JOKE and they have never met him, but they know his persona and are jealous they don't have a friend that astonishing. I tell people, don't waste your time looking, you won't find another friend like mine; he is an original! HA HA! Some of my friends try to compete with likeness and I again tell them, please don't waste your time, if I never speak to my friend again in life, he will always be something super special that NONE of you can complete with so please don't try! There will never be another "him" period. You might be new, but you won't be ever "him"!
In conclusion, I may have handled things wrong by being far too overprotective, chickenheadish, and incredibly attitudinal, but it was just because I care about my friends and don't want them to suffer the pain of something they already survived. What I learned was it simply cannot be avoided and it is better to let people go be happy rather than try to control their direction in life. Reading someone the riot act can really upset them and give the wrong impression when you really are just trying to support them.
